The Bottom of the Bottle
by KatVander12
Summary: When did he become this shell of his old self? The old Damon Salvatore would have been with two girls and have downed a half a bottle of tequila by now, not listening to the woman he loved sob and sipping bourbon. When did he become this weak, emotional man? Meredith has a few things to say to Damon in Alaric's honor. D/M Friendship


**A/N: Damon is so tragic. His character literally can take me from laughing until I cry to actually, ugly crying in just one scene. Ian Somerhalder deserves oodles of awards. This is my take on what's going to be happening in Season 4 when Ric is gone and Damon really needs a friend. I believe that Meredith could step in and be that friend for him just for a night. **

When did this happen?

When did Damon Salvatore stop being Damon Salvatore, and start acting like a emotional teenage girl? He could barely remember the last time he drank more than a half a glass of bourbon, let alone the last time he got laid. Was it Rebecca? Now that was sad. He was supposed to be an immortal, sex-god. Live his life in a drunken stupor, traveling the globe and now he is sitting in Mystic Falls, moping over his late best friend and the girl he would have given every good moment in his 170 some years to be with.

Damon took another sip from the glass, staring at Elena's jacket that hung on the back of the couch, recalling how good she smelled when she walked in. A hand ruffled his hair as he tried to turn his mind off, not wanting to think about, or listen to Elena and Stefan talking upstairs. 'Now, Elena, this will not be easy'. Feelings, hearts, and new vampires meant crying and mushy shit. Shit, Damon, could no longer deal with. Days of this bull had made him so tired.

He needed to find himself again, the only way he knew how. At the bottom of the bottle.

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"Heeeeelllloooooo Vampire Doctor. How are you this fine evening?" Damon winked as Meredith scoffed at his entry.

"Not so great, Damon. Lost my job, my boyfriend and know ten times more about vampires than I ever wanted to. And Elena hates me. Let's just say my mind has been more than occupied." She looked up at him, smiling mockingly and gestured for him to sit down.

He did, in fact, sit and motioned for the bartender, ordering a beer and a shot of tequila. There a slight pause then Damon said, "Elena doesn't hate you. She hates me. Cause I'm a dick and say the fucking stupidest shit you will ever hear. But I will be out of here tonight so it doesn't even matter." He caught her gaping out of the corner of his eyes. He hadn't even told Stefan that he was leaving but he promised, so he was going through with it.

"You...can't just leave. Elena needs you right now; she is going through the hardest part of her life. You can't just abandon her." Damon winced at her choice of words. No, he didn't want to leave Elena but that voice inside his head kept telling him to just go. The selfish part was making his decisions now. It was just self-preservation.

"Mind your own business, Doc. I made a deal with Stefan; the one she doesn't choose, leaves." Damon knew for a fact if he asked Stefan to stay for Elena, while she was in transition, he would let him but to see them together again would kill him. It would slowly pry each layer of skin from his heart until it was an unidentifiable, bloody mess. To actually see her become a vampire would be too hard. She never wanted this; just like he hadn't.

"Damon, you can't just leave. No matter what Stefan says; she needs you. So stop being a selfish ass and stay and help her." He laughed so coldly and menacingly that shivers ran down Meredith's spine, which were visible to Damon.

"You fucking sound like Ric...Alaric Saltzman, my best friend. Who's dead. Who got wrapped up in this shit cause of me. If I didn't turn his wife then he would never have become a vampire hunter, never come to Mystic Falls." He paused, Meredith stared at him, sensing that he wanted to say more," If I hadn't ditched the War, I would have never met Katherine. I would never have made a fool of myself. I would never have waited 100 something years waiting for her. I would have never killed all those people, ruined those lives, including my brother's. I would have been a normal person who got married to a good Southern girl, had kids and grandkids. I would never have met Elena, who fucking causes all my suffering, my humanity. I wouldn't have been a fucking vampire. If I had my choice, I would have been a human. I would have died that night, if it had been my choice." Damon looked over to Meredith, who had tears welling in her eyes.

"Oh, don't pity me. I'm not the good guy; Stefan is. That's why Stefan gets the girl in the end...twice. I've always been good at being the bad guy; my whole life has just been a bad movie. Sifting through the decades in the shadows, not living, waiting to get the love of my life out the tomb. Too bad for me, she was alive and out and about the whole fucking time! Checking up on my little brother, not giving two shits about me. No one ever likes the bad guy. Or in Katherine's kind words, 'It's always been Stefan.'"

"I guess she and Elena are more similar than we both thought."

Damon swirled the drink around in his glass, not making eye contact with Meredith. He was weak to have spilled his guts to this woman; Katherine got that right too.

"How have you been so sad for so long and no one realizing it?" It surprised him to hear her speak. Her voice was shaky from the crying but he would be lying if he didn't have to swallow a lump in his throat.

"I've just gotten good at hiding it. But ever since I came home, I have been a little vulnerable and that isn't me. That isn't the Damon Salvatore that everyone knows. They know the Damon that's been around for 170 years and is the neighborhood badass." He tried to lighten the mood with some dark humor but Meredith wasn't having it. She looked at him like his mother and Rose had; so sad for him, so lovingly.

"Or this is the Damon that has been itching to get out all these years? That seems more logical." She pressed a hand to his cheek, more tears flowing down her face, "I'm going to say this for Alaric based on what I've heard tonight; that I have never met a person more tragic than you, Damon. You're heart is on your sleeve but it keeps getting ripped and tugged at, and I am so sorry for that because despite what you may think, you are a good man, Damon. You love and protect so fiercely that it may even hurt you. You love your brother so much you can barely stand it. You love Elena so much that you would die for her. So, Damon, you need to stay and be with the ones you love."

No one, not even Ric, had ever talked to him that way. It made his heart ache with want. He missed Alaric, his best friend. He missed Elena, the love of his life. He missed Stefan, his brother. And even in that moment, he missed his parents, especially his mother. But what he missed most of all wasn't even another person.

Then without even realizing it, Damon started crying and with a soft whisper said, "I think I can trust you Meredith, so I'm going to tell you a secret...I miss being human. More than Stefan, Caroline and every vampire combined."

When he felt Meredith hug him, he put his face in his hands. He couldn't pretend to be ok anymore. As his body shook with sobs, he felt his walls crumble.


End file.
